Don’t Give Up
As many times as I’d tell you that, I imagine that it could take some convincing.
I want to share a few stories about my life, parts where I really did give up in a sense and the magic that occurred with even the smallest amount of hope.
There were times many years ago that I had my back against the wall or so I felt this way.
The contrast of being in situations that I felt I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t hahaha.
One story in particular that has really stood out to me even to this day is when I was 18 years of age, hanging out with a cousin and her addict friends.
I could say they were my friends as well because they were but not friends friends.
During this time in my life is when I had one of the biggest awakenings which I feel was activated from an ET being maybe even a Pleiadean to be exact.
It was a time in my life ( and please excuse any grammatical errors as I am writing this impromptu)I didn’t feel I had much purpose, I was on anti anxiety, anti depressants, and I wasn’t eating.
Things in my life where really at a place where I was really off my center.
I did not have a job, I lived with my mom in the projects, and I spent most of my time at my cousins house.
I did not party, drink, or do drugs although everyone around me was.
One particular day I was dancing outside with my Walkman lol I did not have a smart phone or MP3 player at this time.
I saw a really interesting looking group of men.
They all seemed to be indigenous with long hair and a different type of style. One had long blonde hair and the others had long dark hair with tanned skin.
In the small town in the smallest state Rhode Island of the USA, we didn’t have many natives, if any.
Immediately I was excited, having been drawn to shamanism most of my life, I was astonished of the synchronicity.
I attempted to get his attention and he looked at me. In his piercing eyes, I felt something indescribable, there was something out of this world.
At the time, I didn’t even have the inclination of ETs and didn’t really know they existed to be honest.
In my mind, I thought this is it. This is my doorway to connect to shamanism and meet my “twin flame”. They went on their way to this house on the corner which I’ve never seen anyone at this house before.
After days passed, my cousin called me and asked me to come over. She said that the man I saw the other day was named Tony, and he was very interested in connecting and seeing me.
I was soul excited and asked if he had a partner in which she replied he did.
I felt confused because why would he be interested in seeing me if he had a partner?
After a few more days after my cousin repeatedly calling me to share he kept asking for me, I finally gave in and came over.
I didn’t speak to him much since he was quiet person, but he was speaking to me through the soul.
He showed me tattoos which had symbols which at the time I did not know what they meant.
He asked me if I did, and I told him no I don’t have any idea.
He discussed many things where he claimed he was from and different types of animals ( which later on as I did research I found were more mythological animals in our world).
In the mean time, I was experiencing this desire to end my own life.
That day we had this interaction, I went into my cousins basement to see her special place she had set up for her and her boyfriend.
Both him and I went downstairs and as I started to walk back upstairs, he met my eyes and walked further into the basement rather than up the stairs.
I know what you are thinking?
Maybe he was just being a man lol well I thought this to, but later I realized he wanted to speak to me alone.
Perhaps maybe there was something he needed to share with me that He wanted me to know?
Nothing came of this, and I saw him a few more times after this incident
Every time I saw him outside , he said hello, smiled, and I felt this odd feeling as if I knew him.
One day when I was really at my lowest point, I had a dream.
He was in my dream speaking to me, telling me how beautiful I was, and how much he loved me. ( this love wasn’t the romantic kind it was more pure unconditional)
I awoke with this new purpose of my life.
It was literally turning a switch on.
That month I quit smoking, got my GED, and in due time I was in college.
I literally left everything I was doing behind including my friends. It was a reset button.
I feel now that it literally saved my life. As I am now writing this as a channel as a psychic medium, I am now aware of what or who that was.
It was an extraterrestrial being here to assist and support me during a very crucial point in my awakening,
I had essentially given up, but I still had 1% of hope left in me.
Some of you may think that perhaps it really was just a native man from Nevada, but in this magnitude of scenarios that played out I feel it was much more.
This man literally activated a part of my awareness that gave me the strength to push forward and redirect myself.
After this happened, he was gone.
I never saw him or his friends again.
Another time in my life where I felt I was about to give up was during a relationship that had been apart of.
I chose a relationship and to combine a family.
I have one daughter and he had one daughter.
The relationship seemed quite different as though he wanted to move things rather fast.
I always try to see all possibilities and scenarios sunny side up and not to pick apart and overanalyze things.
I decided to ignore that feeling of wow this is rather fast and jumped in.
I decided to trust in the possibility that this may bring something beautiful to my life( essentially it did but definitely a blessing in disguise).
I spent years under severe stress, emotional, and psychological abuse.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not a victim, I am self empowered.
In some way I chose it, I learned a lot.
Just like being emotionally deep into this toxic family structure that was created, I kept going.
Even when I felt like my back was against the wall like I could never get out, I did.
Every morning I’d wake up to papers all over the wall that said affirmations like I DON’T MATTER, MY FEELINGS DON’T MATTER, I AM NOTHING.
I had no idea the intensity of these psychological manipulations until it began to take a real toll on my ability to fully see my own worth and express myself.
I was told that my opinions and feelings don’t matter, because other individuals are what really matter. By taking Buddha’s teachings, he used them against me in the form of manipulation.
He told me that I could never make it on my own because I was stupid and used my past in a way to support this.
When I got ahold of understanding that this was his own work for his own ego, and that he was a classic book narcissist, I began to try and find a way out.
I attempted to leave several times, but I was afraid of him, his aggressive behavior, and losing everything I had built.
I began working on my own self which is where I discovered Abraham Hicks and Bashar.
I regained my strength to the extent I could before being broken down again.
I learned how to stay in my center during these interactions.
I asked for help and guidance from the universe.
Finally I mustered up all of my strength and I left.
I had help getting out with finances, a place to stay and a new life waited for me on the other side.
I know these stories are lengthy and maybe they don’t fully describe the way I felt when I was really backed against the wall.
The point is don’t give up, everything is working to serve us.
No matter what contrasted experiences we maybe having, there is always something in that for us.
I can honestly say this without doubt that through these adversities, I have come closer to home (to my natural self).
These abilities that I have now have been more and more awakened through my experiences.
You can always find a light in the darkness you maybe experiencing.
The darkness is our perception, but if we continue to hold onto hope and know that we are ALWAYS LOVED AND SUPPORTED.
We will continue to grow and expand.
Please don’t give up.
YOU GOT THIS!
And if I can do this, SO CAN YOU.
I LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY